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8.23.2012

Get By With A Little Help...

Yes, it's true. As much as philosophy & drama have taught us that we're all islands or dust in the wind or a speck in the universe, it doesn't mean you have to suffer alone all the time. You can be a peninsula sometimes, people. Not at death's door, but when life is feeling stagnant or you need a shot of inspiration like you need a new bathmat. (Read: I need a new bathmat.)

Now, I'm not gonna get all Ya Ya Sisterhood on you, but I will say that though spending time with your significant other (be it your spouse, lover, pet, or plant) has its own value to it, it can do you a great deal of good to venture outside of that realm and take the time to beef up the estrogen (or testosterone - the word bromance happened for a reason) in your surrounding environment that doesn't belong to your other half.

How to properly appreciate your friends and remind them how valuable they are.
I mean, really, how are you supposed to appreciate your soul mate if you're sharing space with them all the time? Sometimes you gotta have some soul space. Let your yourself bask in the nurturing love of your friends...and I'm talking about your real friends. The ones you can call at odd hours in the evening after you've eaten a whole sleeve of Ritz crackers or discuss ass massages and colonics with over a meat & cheese plate. The people that talk you off the ledge, hold you at your weakest and cheer you on at your best. The people who see you for you.



This comes after a much-needed reunion with my dear friend, Jessie. We're both workin' girls; ex-New Yorkers shuckin' & jivin' through the mean streets of LA with our lattes in one hand and our hearts in the other with our inner Mary Tyler Moore's battling to make appearances while we pretend to not care.

This girl balances me out. When I'm in a rut, she makes me snort seltzer through my nose by telling me something blatant, jarring and awesome. We want to trade body parts with each other. She reminds me that honest, hardworking, inspired women with a sense of humor will likely rule the world some day and that I want to be part of that club.

On dark days, you need a rainbow. The difference between staring at kitten photos on the internet and going to grab a coffee with your closest friends is this: Kittens will give you rainbows like an oil puddle in a parking lot (surrounded by darkness - see what I did there?) Your close friends will burst through the house of your inner sanctum (preferably through its windows, because if you have an inner sanctum without windows, you need to seriously consider your real estate before you even go out with your friends) and punch you with rainbows in the face until you smile.

Now, granted, I know this doesn't sound pleasant right away. Being punched by rainbows doesn't sound fun. It actually sounds more like you're starting a fight with a My Little Pony, but stay with me here.

Your closest friends will tell you the truth. They will tell you if you're seeing the guy you're with through sex-colored glasses. They'll tell you if you need to go to therapy. You'll discuss things that actually matter in life (and plenty of things that don't matter because you both need a laugh.) They'll also remind you of your value and ask you how you're doing. If your "friends" don't ask you how you are and only use you as a therapist, RUN! I cut all those parasites off after college.

The worst thing you can ever do to yourself is to forget about your friends. I've seen so many people do it. Suddenly, their life is all-consumed by the girl or guy they're with and nothing else matters...until said guy/girl realizes you have no life outside of them and flees as far away as they can to avoid having you become completely dependent on them. Desperation is an ugly trait.

But you know who won't flee from you? Yeah, I don't even have to tell you.

So, raise a glass to your confidantes! To Jessie and all the wonderful women in my life who guide me through the muck and mire of romance, body image, expectations and my unrealistic gauge of success and inspire me to strive to become the best woman I can be.

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